Winter is the time of year I hate the most.
The months of January, February, and March feel like an eternity to me every year. The world is dark, the landscape barren, the air so cold it seeps into my bones. It feels like a long, sleepless night where all I can do is count the hours until dawn.
I was born in the summer, when cookouts, water sports, and crab picking are in full swing, and when the world is warm and blossoming. I suppose that’s why winter, with its itchy wool sweaters, bare trees, and runny noses, feels like an abomination. While I understand objectively that winter is a necessary part of life, a season of rest for Mother Nature, I still curse it for three months while I scrape ice off my windshield and bitterly resent being unable to hibernate like other mammals.
Winter is also a time of anxiety for me, as colds, stomach bugs, and other ailments spread like wildfire through schools and workplaces. As we embark on 2021, and the coronavirus pandemic continues to ravage American lives and livelihoods, that anxiety is worse than any year I can remember. A cough or sneeze from someone in my household tightens the ever-present knot in my stomach, and I find myself touching my children’s faces multiple times a day, checking for fever.
When the clock struck midnight on New Year’s Eve a few days ago, I saw many messages of excitement and best wishes for a better year than 2020, but I found it difficult to feel joy. I struggled to break free of the morass of pessimism in which I find myself this winter. I knew that regardless of the date on the calendar, we are still stuck with COVID-19 for now. January 1, 2021 was not going to be some magical date that would bring an end to this long night.
I’m afraid I won’t be ending this post with platitudes of hope and better days to come, even though the COVID-19 vaccine and Joe Biden’s impending inauguration would certainly undergird such sentiments. My authentic truth is this: I am in an anxious, cynical state of mind right now, and I dread the winter ahead more than I ever have before.
If anyone else out there feels similarly, know that you are not alone.